Your Anger is Beautiful ... And Terrifying
Embracing the paradox.
This photo was taken by the brilliant photographer, Sabrina Norrie. I’m not one to scream for photos, per se, but this moment was unique. It was captured just moments after I stepped barefoot on shards of broken beer bottle glass.
Seeing trash and litter scattered in nature has always angered me, and Sabrina encouraged me to embrace and express the powerful emotions that arose.
“Really? Out here in the open?”
“Yes.”
She handed me the roses to represent femininity and beauty, and I let out a wail. It felt cathartic and confusing. I was self-conscious with people boating nearby, yet simultaneously carefree. Above all, it was liberating.
Roses are my favorite flowers. Their thorns protect them, reminding you to approach with gentleness and honor, while their elegance invites a moment of pause to appreciate their beauty. Once harvested, they fill my home with radiance for 7 to 10 days, blooming with the sole purpose of bringing joy. What an incredible act of service.
Anger feels similar to thorns, almost like saying “Back off!” when someone enters your physical space too aggressively. It’s a sharp, immediate protective force, designed to create distance and guard boundaries. While it serves as a signal to protect us, it’s also helpful to understand the physiological processes happening in our bodies when we experience it.
Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard-trained neuroanatomist, experienced a stroke and gave a captivating TED Talk (highly recommend!) about her personal journey and insights into how emotions course through the body. She discusses the neuroscience of emotions, particularly how long it takes for them to move through our bodies, and how we can be mindful of that process.
When you feel anger, your body undergoes a physiological reaction: your heart rate increases, your muscles tighten, and your brain releases adrenaline. That wave of emotion, if allowed to run its course uninhibited, lasts only about 90 seconds. (90 seconds?!) Yes, just 90 seconds.
But if you overanalyze, ruminate, or replay the scenario for days, weeks, months, or even years (sometimes for a lifetime) your brain keeps triggering that same emotional response, making it feel as though the situation is happening right now, and right now, and right now, ad infinitum.
When I let out that wail, it felt as though my body was catabolizing and releasing the anger, like a whale expelling water and carbon dioxide from its blowhole. Dr. Taylor’s powerful point is that, if we allow ourselves to simply experience these emotions without engaging with them, they will pass through quickly and dissipate. Dance is my primary “medicine” for expressing and alleviating this tension, but there are moments when a primal scream serves as an equally powerful catharsis.
[Sidebar: For those who are familiar with Goddess mythology, Kali is a powerful ally to embody when you need an intense release of anger. Kali is a Hindu goddess often associated with destruction and transformation, embodying both the fierce power to destroy negative forces and the compassionate energy to pave the way for new beginnings. She’s fearless, wise, unapologetic and irreverent…and I absolutely love her.]
Emotions are a form of intelligence, they’re encoded with rich information if we take a moment to get curious. Anger could indicate that a value has been violated, or a boundary crossed. But when it lasts longer than 90 seconds, it can become corrosive if not properly channeled or released.
Despite societal judgments, particularly those directed at women who express anger, it can serve as a powerful motivator, driving you to act when something feels unjust or wrong. Anger can serve as high-octane fuel to finally stand up for yourself or others, challenge inequities, and advocate for meaningful change.
A dear friend shared an excerpt with me today from a powerful conversation between Maya Angelou and Dave Chappelle, bridging generations. She says it best. Leading up to this moment, Dave asks Maya how she navigated the turbulent 1960s, a time defined by civil unrest and a series of high-profile assassinations.
If you’re not angry, you’re either a stone, or you’re too sick to be angry. You should be angry. Use that anger, yes. You write it, you paint it, you dance it, you march it, you vote it, you do everything about it, you talk it. Never stop talking it. Now mind you, there’s a difference. You must not be bitter. Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. It doesn’t do anything to the object of its displeasure.